There Are Such Moments: We Were in Israel but Not in Jerusalem, Tel Aviv, Haifa, or Even Near the Dead Sea.
How Not to Die of Boredom in Three Days in Eilat. The Decision Wasn’t Ours; It Was the 1 Euro Flight Ticket.
There are moments when it doesn’t matter if the strict Israeli border guards let you through, or if you have to spend three days at the small, tent-like Eilat airport, different from Ron Weasley’s brother’s wedding tent in all but the perpetual wait for an attack.
This is about the moment when you flew to Eilat for 1 euro. Even if they send us back, we’ve already seen the desert, heard one “Shalom,” and have one more failed adventure story. You’d get more emotions for 31 hryvnias only if you bought a proletarian sandwich at FreshLine before the place closes.
So, let’s start from the beginning.
I was lying down with a fever in Vinnytsia and looking at a message on one Telegram channel: “To Israel for 1 euro.” The fever was high, but not that high. Within five minutes, my balance decreased by 64 hryvnias, and my Google search history gained one more line: “Eilat — it is…” The ticket was from Vienna, there was no return ticket, but a week of focused monitoring paid off: the route was shaped and closed. Vienna–Eilat–Poznan–Gdańsk–Bydgoszcz.
Once we were pressed hard into our seats, once we were slightly shaken. As you have guessed by this amateur description of the flight — we are in Vienna. Just a couple of seconds for this.
In Vienna, it’s always spacious, grand, massive, and the coffee is delicious. Almost like in Eilat, only the opposite. Unless you’re not in the desert with your Americano.
It’s a pleasant feeling when you’ve already been to Vienna — no “must-see,” no feeling of missing out on something, not seeing, or tasting something. It gives you some freedom, simply walking through a very beautiful city.
And you get a good sleep (there’s no need to wake up before dawn to make the best use of daylight), you don’t worry about a closed museum, and you drink coffee for a long time – it’s a funny kind of experience.
Wrrrr…!
As you understood from the even more amateur approach — we’re back on the plane. We get ourselves a filter coffee for 2.5 euro. And that’s already 0.5 euro more than our two tickets. The flight, by the way, is not short: 3.5 hours, after all. While flying, we decided that if we are indeed let into Israel, we will try to explore as much of the city as possible. They made their decision… By the time we were making our descent, it had already gone dark — we stepped out into the warm and very dark desert.
STOP. CONTROL.
No way without stereotypes — we were advised to bring an invitation, a work certificate, get married, get a haircut, bring 20,000 dollars, bring our boss who would say that he is waiting for us as there is still much work to be done, show proof of private property, tattoo “I will never leave my beloved country,” call parents at the border and shout that mom shouldn’t worry — we’ll be back in three days, print the return tickets, print future flights tickets, print the future, print a hotel reservation, buy a hotel, say that a couple of parrots are waiting at home and no one to feed them, show a video where colleagues cry that you are leaving them, and you say you’ll be back — they are happy and ask to swear and you swear, in short, do everything to make them believe you — you won’t live in Israel and you’re going back home. After all, the Israeli border service is famous for its attentive attitude toward tourists.
We took Pringles chips and honest faces.
We stood right at the beginning of the queue, which was moving at Moses’ speed. And that’s funny, considering that the airport looks more like a summer drink stand in Shevchenko park. Only a passport and insurance in hand.
— Where are you flying from? — Why from there? — Where are you going now? — How long are you staying? — Is it your first time in Israel? — Where do you live? — What do you do? — How long have you known each other? — Do you have acquaintances in Israel? — How much money do you have with you? — Show the money? — Why so little? — What do you plan to do in Israel? — Why for three days? — Show booking. — Show payments. — Show phone. — Show Instagram. — Show a deer. — Show a deer that doesn’t like fast food. — Who’s next to say a word? — Make a rude joke about Buddhism. — What is the hotel called? — African country, five letters, first “A”?
The answers to these and other questions convinced the stern ladies that we could be allowed another dozen steps forward into the waiting room for the verdict. In it, we found another couple from Ukraine. Then Lisa had to go through the same interrogation but in a separate room, after which they finally handed us green papers allowing us many steps on the promised land.
Perhaps, the best advice for passing passport control in Israel: if you don’t have any ulterior motives for visiting this country, try to relax, realize that you are not breaking any laws, and calmly and steadily answer all the questions. If you don’t know — just say you don’t know. For instance, the lady at the window was very upset by the fact that we didn’t remember the hotel name. We calmly said that there is no need to memorize it since we have a reservation, and it would be strange to remember the monotonous names of hotels. We honestly said that we came for the cheap ticket and a break in the schedule. Perhaps, it’s not so scary.
Buses regularly run from “Ovda” airport to Eilat, synchronized with flights. The fare is 21 shekels, which is about 190 UAH. You can exchange your rectangular banknotes, which the whole world has recognized as currency, directly at the airport. Or, like us, pay in dollars on the bus. The driver honestly calculates and gives change in shekels. Immediately upon exchange. There are exchange machines in Eilat. You put dollars/euros, and it gives you shekels. We didn’t try, but they say it’s okay.
While waiting in line for the bus, they turned off all the lights completely and a guy with a machine gun and flashlight checked all the bins, then they turned the lights back on. Perhaps, he was looking for a little phosphorescent terrorist.
The road to Eilat (about 60 km) is maximally dark. In the bus all the lights were turned off, and the only sources of light were the bus headlights and long flashes of lightning that dramatically lit up the outlines of rocky mountains scattered in the desert.
Enough of the lyrics. Let’s return to reality – the prices in Eilat are not great. And it’s not even the prices that are off-putting (although 40 UAH for the cheapest bottle of water…), but the unappealing range of products. There’s little desire to buy something, everything is a bit stale, dull, and, let’s remind, expensive. You can’t survive on hummus alone for three days (one day you can, but you won’t want to look at it). And our Mivina is also sold for 35 UAH.
We are in the city of Eilat.
It resembles the products: somewhat stale, not very pretty, reasonably expensive, but at least it’s warm, that’s true. We walked around half a day and decided to urgently escape to the desert. The aesthetics of hotels-sunbeds-tents with souvenirs-attractions is certainly not the most attractive.
You can go into the desert from Eilat by bus from the bus station. Guides are not necessary — just load the area onto maps.me, choose the track you’re interested in — and enjoy.
We decided to explore the Red Canyon, the track there is just right for “a walk on half a day.” The weather was not in our favor. In a place where there are 362 sunny days a year, we caught those three rainy ones. Or we were lucky, as it significantly reduced the number of people on the track, which usually has an influx. We chose a different path than the one most people went on, and it was the perfect choice, allowing us to admire the canyons and listen to the strange silence of the desert in solitude. Regarding the silence. This is that very ringing silence you often hear about. When you can hear the blood flowing in your vessels. When you hear a snake vomiting hay a kilometer away. There’s desert out there, a light rocky one. Sound travels very fast and very accurately. I heard silence for the first time, and that stands for a lot.
We also wandered alone in the canyon. It is very beautiful – intricate and winding, shimmering with gradients of beetroot, orange, and ocher colors. Occasionally we encountered various characters. My favorites: three elderly Frenchwomen who stretched their furs into “Hellooooo” at our greeting and the obvious “new Russian” of our time, who, taking advantage of the moment that his tall Italian companion did not understand the language, swore and snapped at her when she took long on high heels and in a dress climbing the stairs.
Having wandered a bit, it turned out, off the path, I saw rocks on a cliff ridiculously resembling seals. But when the stone jumped up, I stopped thinking so. Its fur flapping in the wind, loud squeaks, little paws with suction cups, and a dull long gaze into eternity – we discovered a group of cape hyraxes or, as they’re also called, rock rabbits (which isn’t unreasonable as three of them had a bass guitar hanging from a strap).
Overall, it’s our first desert, and it is beautiful. I know all deserts have a character, and this one’s we seem to have figured out.
The last night I looked forward to the most — we had planned on spending the night in the desert. So the next day we spent tracking the weather and reading the cards, divining with the coffee grounds (the best thing to do with local coffee) — whether there’d be a storm or we were indeed going to sleep in the desert.
We didn’t catch colds on our backs, meaning we didn’t sleep on the ground.
We made it to the water bodies with a vast variety of birds on the border with Jordan, watching herons, flamingos, and a man with binoculars.
Surfer weather forecasts were merciless, and we stayed for another night in Eilat.
So sad… but it’s never to be forgotten; we flew over here for euro, so just a little flowers, greenery, shallowness, warmth — that would be more than enough.
To make Eilat more memorable than Kuchma’s New Year greetings with his grandson, we decided to climb the nearest mountain at sunrise. Decided — climbed. On the horizon, finally, the haze wasn’t dense; you could see the Jordanian mountains, and to the other side – the Egyptian ones.
By the way, initially, we wanted to go to Petra, it’s very close here, but it turned out that with the heaps of fees, it will cost 300 dollars per person. We decided to postpone this trip for a separate journey to Jordan and just observe from afar for now.
On the last day, we enjoyed the sun a bit, even if it was while sitting on a bench near the airport — and we flew to cold but pleasant Poland.
Although wait, I must share important information from the airport’s security department. It turns out locals might give you a gift, like a souvenir or a postcard, which turns out to be… a bomb! Be vigilant.
We’re in Poland. Not about it, it’s already written in other places.
Just to stop briefly in Bydgoszcz, don’t believe the articles about “Polish Venice”. But if the ticket from Bydgoszcz costs 300 UAH, then you can walk. Eat a roll and fly away.
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